Awkward Ballads For The Easily Pleased

by Tom Milsom

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Lincoln Cupples
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Lincoln Cupples This is the real deal; a total relic from the second indie-internet media boom. Tom Milsom's first attempt at an album is actually beautiful, with songs about losing cats, feeling guilty about eating lobster, and seeing people on trains, and instantly falling in love with them. Listening to this is like hearing an old man telling you stories: and Milsom is the best storyteller of them all. Just one question, where can I actually buy 'bits of fence?'

"An innocent album, for that, the same on the internet." Favorite track: Catsongs II (Livia deliberated).
Steven Marshall
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Steven Marshall A little more homespun than "painfully mainstream", but definitely worth a listen. Favorite track: Internet love song.
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released February 1, 2008

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Track Name: Seafood
I've never eaten a lobster
Because I've seen them in their prime
Sitting in a tank beside the doorway
And if they could see it your way
They would probably start to cry

And the salt water from their tears
Would wash away all of their fears
As they'd remember all the years
They'd spent so happy in the wild.

And then one day the big men came
To make them play a fishy game
Of russian roulette for crustaceans
Twenty lobsters, seven nations,
Waiting for the sweaty clientele
To pick them out for boiling water hell.

I've never eaten a lobster,
Not that I haven't had the opportunity.
other food is so guilt free
But in this case the killer's me
And while they're sitting on your plate
Regrets would come, but it's too late
And seafood's such a very tricky dish

And nothing's more emotional than fish.

Other food is so guilt free
But in this case the killer's me
And while they're sitting on your plate
Regrets would come, but it's too late
And seafood's such a very tricky dish

And nothing's more emotional than fish.
Oh, nothing's more emotional than fish.
Track Name: Uncertainty
Now I know I'm not the sort
Of guy who'll sit and talk 'bout sport
It's true.

And I know it seems unplanned
With my piano/ukulele (delete as appropriate) here at hand
But I've got something I want to ask you.

And if I had a pound for every
Time you turned me down
I'd have one pound fifty
In my bank account right now
the world can see,
we're not that different you and me
so let's get together, show the world
how different we can be
Oh, oh, oh.

And I know that in the past,
You're answer's no when I have asked
But still

Hope springs eternal
That one day you'll feel maternal
And there's a hole within your soul that I can fill.

So I'll ask again
If you will go out with me
Even though I know deep down
What the answer's gonna be
my girl until we die,
If I kill a man, be my alibi,
But please just let me know,
Tell me yes or no,
Oh, oh, oh.
Track Name: Imperfections
Your imperfections make you beautiful
In ways that only you could be.
The world moves on but you stand still
You say there's always time to kill
When there's a thousand pretty things to see.

Your imperfections make you beautiful
In ways that only I can see.
I love you more than words can say
But you keep pushing me away for
Somebody who loves you less than me.

His imperfections make him beautiful to you
Each sorrow puts him deeper in your heart
And every time he almost dies
I die a little more inside
As you and I drift slowly more apart.

Your imperfections make you beautiful
In ways that only you could be
And it turns out that my biggest imperfection
Was dreaming all the time of you and me.
Track Name: We made a film
I want to know why
Things you say about Tories and trains just pass by,
Every word that you say,
Cats with captions and train alterations, each day

There's a new little something of interest,
Shared with me in the best way that you can.
Shining wit, and a passion for irony,
See the absurd in a national tragedy.

One and the same in our own different way.
We'll hit the big time and set a new low in the same day.
And we'll be the men that we wanted to be,
Our own Wright, Frost and Pegg but much better you see,
And I know this is true,
Yes I know this is true,
Cause we made a film.

Working hard through the night,
Fed on laughter and cola, sit bathed in the light
Of your Macintosh screen
Picking out the best bits of the things that we've seen.

There's so many adventures we've had
And not one of them bad for the lives that we lead
Achieving the goals that we set as we go
And I'll never say no, I will never say no to one more.

One and the same in our own different way.
We'll hit the big time and set a new low in the same day.
And like blood and ice cream poured into a bowl
Oh, it doesn't seem right but just somehow we go,
And I know this is true,
Yes I know this is true,
Cause we made a film.
Track Name: Internet love song
Please please don't go,
Please, please please don't go
Circumflex underscore circumflex
I love you so.

Please don't block me,
Please don't go offline.
I wanna be with you
all the time.

BRB, OMG, LOL.
ROFLMAO.
BRB, OMG, LOL
ROFLMAO.

We'll pour our hearts out on the screen
One line at a time
And I'll try to figure how to
Make you mine,

So please, please, please don't go,
Please, please don't go,
Though it's close to midnight
And the conversation's getting slow,

No don't invite your friends
I don't want this moment here to end.

BRB, OMG, LOL,
ROFLMAO.


Explanations

BRB - be Right Back
OMG - Oh My God
LOL - Laughing Out Loud
ROFLMAO - Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off
Track Name: Catsongs I (Livia remembered)
Lived your life in fur and whiskers
Fourteen years on four small paws,
Ate the heads and left the bodies
Of the victims of your claws.

I poked you and you scratched me,
Each claw like a tiny knife,
And through it all I shared with you
Some of the best times in my life,

Last year dead,
Year before alive.
This year, still dead. Sad.

Your indifference to that puppy
Selling bog roll on the telly
Made me love you, so I didn't care
That your breath was smelly.

Your little kidneys couldn't handle it no more,
Not unlike pope John Paul II but he had fewer paws.
You were not that religious, also unlike pope John Paul.
And he lived in the Vatican, but you had never been there at all.

Last year dead,
Year before alive.
This year, still dead. Sad.

Last year dead,
Year before alive.
This year, still dead. Sad.
Track Name: Catsongs II (Livia deliberated)
Don't you want to be the one
To tell him, oh why can't you see
The only people that you're
Hurting here are you and me,
We'll be together once again
Just one big happy family
Minus the cat.

Oh I don't believe I'm
Hearing this, just don't be such a twat.
He was just fine when his
Granddad died, he'll live without the cat.
He's old enough to understand
That dying is a natural
Part of life.

We've talked about the birds and bees
So why ya hiding this from me?
It's plain to me why can't you see
I don't need any therapy for this.

This could be unnecessary
Pain and quite a lot of nasty
Strain upon his brain and you know
How expensive therapy can

Be for just one session nowadays
And just for dealing with a
Phase that he'll grow out of in a
Couple of years, it's true.

We've talked about the birds and bees
So why ya hiding this from me?
It's plain to me why can't you see
I don't need any therapy for this.

We've talked about the birds and bees.
So why ya hiding this from me?
It's not like I mind.
I mean, come on.
I'd figure it out someday.

Verse 1 - 2 and 3 - 4 repeat and fade.
Track Name: Catsongs III (Livia lives)
Sitting in the kitchen Watching TV
Don't know why I wasn't in the living room.
It just seemed appealing at the time.

I sat there eating a box
Of corn flakes to myself
When out the corner of my eye

I saw something moving there,
And then I realised
That it was Livia.

She said 'Meow.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow,
Meow meow meow, meow meow meow.
Meow, meow meow meow meow.'

Sitting in the kitchen talking to Livia,
Said 'I'm getting over you.
I miss my granddad but I'm getting over him too.'
She said 'meow meow' then 'meow meow meow' with a sigh
And for the last time said good bye.
Track Name: Genetics
I knew our plan was doomed
Right from the start.
The human body's made of
More than just a heart

And though it seemed
We'd be together for eternity
That's a long long way away
From how it seems to be to me,

It isn't right that we should fight
About the way we fit together.
Just another complication
That is standing in our way

And you know I love you so
And even though we'll make a monster
It's a beautiful disaster that's too
Terrible to simply throw away.

Our arteries are red
And our veins remain blue
But even so our damaged
Blood trickles through

It's true that all
Our relatives died
From the blood that
Trickled round their inside

And so far we've lived our lives
Thinking everything was fine
Not thinking of the trouble
Borne inside us at the time

And now we've come to find the sum
Is greater than the parts that make it
This hereditary sorrow was
Kept quite through the years

All the grief and the relief
Our parents felt when we were healthy
Newborn babies we don't get
Because genetics is a science made of tears.
Track Name: Why I shouldn't have let you in
You told me sieze the day
And then I really thought you cared
And I tried to face my fears
But then I just got really scared
And even the fluffiest of silver clouds
Are made of freezing wetness
And you tell me life's a bitch
But I don't think you really get this

And I wish that I'd not let you in any more
And I wish that I'd been a bit fussier about the kind of people I let through the door
If I'd hesitated, I might have been fated
To life my own life without you.

I never really meant to share achronologically
The little things that made me me
I never thought I'd have to
Quantify them day by day
I never really felt the need to take my two or three
Neuroses then talk openly
About them and then brutally
Dissect them on a tray,

And I'm glad that you're not telling me what to do
And I wish that I'd not spent the time illuminating up the past with little tales of who
Had nurtured me naturally from the womb
Through to now, my own life, without you.

You told me sieze the day
And then I really thought you cared
And I tried to face my fears
But then I just got really scared
And even the fluffiest of silver clouds
Are made of freezing wetness
And you tell me life's a bitch
But I don't think you really get this

And I wish that I'd not let you in any more
And I wish that I'd been a bit fussier about the kind of people I let through the door
If I'd hesitated, I might have been fated
To life my own life without you.
Track Name: Rhyme and reason
Last week I ran downtown
To see you and tell you I loved you.
But just before I reached your door
I stopped and looked above to
Pray to anyone who'd hear me
Getting the pluck
To wish myself luck and say

You're the reason to my rhyme
And it's a shame, no it's a crime
That I've not told you that I love you
Cause I've never found the time,
You're my happiness and sadness,
You're the method to my madness.
Nobody I'd rather be with,
Nobody I'd ever be with.

And through your bedroom window
I saw you and you saw me.
The young man lying on your bed
Was right where I could clearly
See him telling you what I had
Wanted to say, from the
Very first day we met.

You're the reason to my rhyme
And it's a shame, no it's a crime
That I've not told you that I love you
Cause I've never found the time,
You're my happiness and sadness,
You're the method to my madness.
Nobody I'd rather be with,
Nobody I'd ever be with.

So two days passed and then at last
I thought I'd try and ring you.
And see if you were free, then maybe we
Could go to town and
Get some food and see a film you wanted to see
And then afterwards we'd go home.

You said that sounded great,
But you'd a date with that youung man who
I had seen previously
The time I had come round to see you.
And I don't think I can hold this in any more
So I'm sorry if I bore you to death,

But you're the reason to my rhyme
And it's a shame, no it's a crime
That I've not told you that I love you
Cause I've never found the time,
You're my happiness and sadness,
You're the method to my madness.
Nobody I'd rather be with,
Nobody I'd ever,

You're the reason to my rhyme
And it's a shame, no it's a crime
That I've not told you that I love you
Cause I've never found the time,
You're my happiness and sadness,
You're the method to my madness.
Nobody I'd rather be with,
Nobody I'd ever be with.
Track Name: A song about a person on a train
The most pretty human being
In the city was just sitting
Next to me on the train today.

And I stared at them so long
I thought there must be something wrong
within the world for me to not get them today

And my silent pleas to God
For them to not get off the train
When next it stopped were quickly dropped
For wishing they'd get on again,
The doors would close upon my heart,
And then the train would start to start
Upon its way.

And sitting on the train
I knew I'd never see my love again.

The most pretty human being in the world
Had left the train a while ago
And with their headphones on
They'd never hear me say 'what's wrong
Is that we're not together you and me',
Although I said it silently,

And I wish there'd been delays
While we were still within the city
So that I'd have had more time
Admiring everything that's pretty about you,
Even though you wouldn't want me to.

Even though you wouldn't want me to.
Track Name: Watching paint dry
I'm sitting here in hope that I
Can get some peace of mind,
And I'm hoping that the paint fumes
Will provide me with the time
To think about how I will go
And turn this house into a home
For all of us.

I painted it on monday and
It's drying still today.
And off the walls but on my mind's
That horrible wallpaper
That was pasted on the walls
And made the room feel rather small
And dark and sad.

So I laid down the paper and
Picked up my brushes to start.
Painting over this old home
To make it feel like it's my own
But desperate not to be alone
Cause this home needs a heart

And I'm watching the paint dry on the walls
And every time I think I hear
The sound of someone coming near
I turn to see who's there and there is
Never anybody there at all.

Yesterday the room was grey
But now it's kinda blue.
It makes the room feel larger
It's an incandescent hue
That makes me think of electricity
And people living in the city below.

I worked the first half of my life
To spend the second in this place,
And I'm only just discovering
Part of the human race that's looking
Round for someone they would like to
Spend the days and maybe nights to
Fall in love with one another
Settle down, become a mother,

And I'm watching the paint dry on the walls,
Staring blankly to the ether
Wondering if I could even
Be the man that somebody would
Like to give their all, and I'm
Watching the paint dry on the walls
And I'll wait for opportunity to call.